Who Else Wants to Get Married, Have Kids, and Live a Happy Life? Read This First.

wedding

My hand is raised…is yours? Weddings seem so glamorous, marriage seems wonderful when you see two people hugged up, and people are enjoying themselves as a couple! A majority of people are longing for a spouse to share their life with, children to bring joy and laughter to the home (if the couple wants kids), and a life full of comfort and stability that brings happiness.

I will be the first to admit that I want it all. I think most people forget along the way that all of these things take commitment, hard work, patience, trust, compromise, selflessness, love, time, and the list goes on! The TRUTH is the wedding is just ONE day—a beautiful day! The real focus if you’re in preparation for a husband, children, and a nice life is to build yourself up to be the kind of woman you want to be as an individual, as a wife, and as a mother. Figure out who you will be once the white dress is put away and after labor and delivery.

If you only plan for the wedding and not the marriage, your dream wedding will come through for that one day, but without proper preparation and daily effort it will NOT last.

Women empower themselves when they know who they are, embrace it, and then work it. As a result because you know you are fabulous you know your wedding will be gorgeous, but what you don’t know no matter how fab you are is what your husband will be like 6 years after that wedding or what values you want to instill in your children if you don’t think about it ahead of time.

It is best to prepare yourself for the life you want to live. Proper preparation prevents poor performance. Getting married, having children, and living happily ever after only comes because it is created by those specific individuals. They put in the time and effort daily to make it a reality rather than a dream. So if YOU like ME want to make your dreams a reality—start preparing now BEFORE the marriage and BEFORE motherhood begins! It may seem early, but the more effort you put in now the less you will worry about once you are in the thick of it.

But, have we ever truly stepped back and wondered what this all really means. The obsession, the excitement, the pressure, and the worries surrounding starting your own family.  It is real! But, if it is something you don’t want to do that is fine, too. For those who do it is interesting to think of your dreams coming true one day. The wedding and other festivities that come with the good sides of being married, being a parent, and living a good life are evident. They are indeed the icing on the cake that we seem to consider the most important reason for our desire to pursue it when in reality the work you put in is the meat of it. One of my inspirations is, The Pioneer Woman (Ree Drummond) over on Food Network she makes being a mommy and wife looked really good! She represents well. I love her and I know that when those camera stop rolling she is putting in WORK!

In the midst of our ideals and beliefs and feelings towards creating these lives we have to slow down, think, be realistic, and be prepared and PLAN ahead! In the meantime, it is still worth it to also prepare for the icing on the cake of it all—Pinterest is a great tool to pin wedding ideas, motherhood ideas, children ideas, family ideas, etc. Also, I saw a great post inspired by Beatrice Clay blog about creating your imaginary wedding (http://tinyurl.com/96vvw2q) which is a fun and creative activity to visualize what you want on that ONE day.

But, let us not forget the work, effort, time, and money that goes into the ACTUAL daily grind of married life, parenthood, and living as you enter your 30’s, 40’s, 50’s and beyond. It gets real people!

We must blend our dreams with a balance of reality if we are to make them come true and LAST!!

 

If you are single/dating, have you ever considered preparing for marriage?

If you are married, what advice would you give?

Taria is the founding editor of Regal Realness. She is a writer, teacher, lifestyle blogger, and women’s empowerment expert. She helps women of color build & radiate confidence, discover their greatness, and come into their own.
Ask her questions at: http://ask.fm/regalrealness

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Comments

  1. Two of my favorite resources: The 5 Love Languages and Things I Wish I Knew Before I Got Married by Gary Chapman

  2. Excellent points! I too have my hand raised when it comes to wanting opt be married. My anxiousness for it all has subsided thanks to My Imaginary Wedding (thanks for the shootout btw). Taking the time to process what my wedding would be like – the money, the planning, the decisions – as well as my unresolved issues that might impact my marriage – daddy issues, weight, etc – has made realize that perhaps I am not as “ready” as I think. Like you said, marriage is WORK and while I wait I want to prepare myself for it. So I am using my singleness carefully. I spend my time working on the areas of my life that I want to improve, areas that I want healed.

    • Thanks for responding! That was a great response and I agree with you 100%. We do need to take time to heal and get ready before we partner with another for LIFE! Thanks for being honest and sharing that you are using your singleness carefully–that is the best route to getting to your happy ever after!! :-)