Article also posted on: www.forharriet.com
Today marks 2 years since I have been madly in love with my beau from college. It has not been an easy road to finding him or to being the girlfriend I’ve always dreamed of being.
But, it darn sure has been worth it. I use to think relationships were so difficult. They were so hard. Men were so different from women, and I just could not understand them! Turns out relationships are not supposed to be difficult and hard.
There may be challenges, but it should not leave you crying, second guessing, and non-trusting. Insecure, defensive, or even keeping your relationship on the hush; bottom line if you are hurting there is a problem. Hurt does not have to be in the physical sense either.
Love Should Not Hurt
The truth of the matter is that if LOVE is hurting than you’re probably not doing it right. Yup! I was doing it all wrong way back when. And I know I’m not the only one. However, I knew that I had to make a change.
What I came to learn over time is that a man who wants to be with you. I mean, really want to be with you…will give you time and effort without you saying anything! If you are vowing for any of the following than that is a red flag. In addition, that time and effort will be paired with the way you BELIEVE you should be treated.
When I shifted my thoughts to the idea that I was a queen to be reckon with. Now, that is when all hell broke loose!!! And I broke loose from my previous relationship. I knew in my mind that who I was becoming was not where I was.
Angela Bassett Changed My Life, and She Has No Clue!
After attending a conference where Angela Bassett’s husband Courtney Vance beamed in total delight and fulfillment while he talked about Angela; I knew at that moment it was time for a change. I had never seen a man glow with such pride and joy while discussing his wife. I knew that Angela was one lucky girl, but I also knew that she wasn’t the only one entitled to such happiness. Vance mentioned this one liner I will never forget: ” When the queen is happy, the land is happy.” This is the truth #realness.
The little wheels start spinning in my mind, and I decided that “if I wanted to fly I had to give up the shit that weighed me down” (quote: Toni Morrison). I had to drop all those bags that weighed me down. Being a bag lady is not cute. It reeks of insecurity and unhealed wounds. I just couldn’t be categorized in that way.
Change is Hard (but it’s worth it!)
If I was to get the love I deserved I knew I had to make changes. The sad part is that change is really hard for me so it took me a really LONG time to let go. Once I built up enough courage and enough knowledge (yes, books, blogs, videos, etc anything I could get my hands on to wrap my brain around the fact that I wanted to be treated like an absolute queen) I made moves!
I can honestly say it was not easy, but I learned to forgive and to heal from past hurts that caused me to miss out on the love I truly deserved. That was two years ago. Today, I can happily say that on this day I am overwhelmed with joy that I was blessed and highly favored to find within myself the Regal Girl that was always inside of me.
I Got Want I Wanted
The hard part was actually getting what I wanted! I a firm believer in the expression, “be careful what you asked for because you might actually get it.” Prayers do get answered believe it or not. When I got my king I had to really adopt a whole new way of being in the world. That shift was hard! But, it is the best thing that has ever happened to me.
This journey was not about getting a man. It was about me getting me. Getting me to a place of wholeness, clarity, and certainty (aka confidence) that allowed me to ATTRACT another whole to compliment (not complete!) what I was already working with.
What you put out you get back. You attract who and what you are. I learned to accept my new way of being in the world. Part of that was fully accepting the feminine in me which I had never, ever thought mattered in regards to relationships.
Ewww…You Mean I Have to Be Submissive!
And I side-eyed every woman I knew who ever thought of being a housewife or submissive woman. For, I believe that meant they were weak or subordinate to men. Turns out after much research and realization—that is about the dumbest thing I’ve ever thought.
Tapping into my feminine is the one thing, heck the only thing that truly led me to understanding and accepting the love I truly deserved from myself and ALL others. Blocking my feminine meant blocking many blessings.
A Woman’s Worth….and I’m not talking about Alicia Keys!
It was in that moment that I realized my worth, my brilliance, my gifts, my talents, and my regalness that I present to you today. If it were not for those experiences that left me teary eyed and full of anxiety and uncertainty, then there would be no empowered me. Now, you can’t tell me nothing! (LOL…no seriously.)
When you get to the point where you let s@%$ go, you would be amazed at the doors that open to you. For this I am proud to say I have officially made it to regal realness, how about you?
How and when did you learn to accept the love you deserved?