Should a Man Have to Earn You?


Short Answer: YES! Long Answer: Keep Reading….

Scandal really heated up this past week. I admit I am a Scandal fan. It is not a guilt pleasure by any means. I am not ashamed to say I watch a show where the main character (of color!) is a powerful, confident, independent woman by day and a vulnerable mistress (of the President) by night for several reasons.

Is Olivia Pope doing wrong? Yes! But, I am conscious enough to know that this is entertainment. The name of the show says it all–what were we expecting?

But, don’t we all do wrong at some point? In order to get to the place where we are confident enough and conscious enough to understand what is right, and the need to change  does not happen overnight. I know it didn’t work like that for me at least. But, Liv has some harsh competitors out there nevertheless. I’m not judging them though! Sadly, enough some people will think it is ok. News Flash: It’s not! But, that will not stop me or Fitz (lol) from liking Olivia Pope.

On last week’s episode, Olive Pope tells Fitz that if he really wants her then he needs to EARN HER!

Either red flags pop up or a round of applause came out after hearing this.

Red Flag: When you earn yourself (by loving yourself and believing in yourself), no man will have to earn you, he will choose you on his own merit not because you ask him to. If a man really wants a woman he will put in the time and the effort…point blank, period! This is something Fitz can’t do as a married man on the show. There is no way he could possibly give you all the time and effort due to his marital status and job. So, why stoop so low?

Here is a video I watched on the, What About Our Daughter’s Facebook Page, where Brooke Brimm of  argues the same thing. If you love yourself and pick yourself first THEN find a man who choose you, you won’t need to make a request.

Who wants to request a man anyway? Who really wants to ask a man to earn them? If he really wants you in the first place then when he approaches you he will come correct in the beginning! If not, he is not worth your time.

Am I mad at my favorite character for saying this (Earn Me)? No!

Would I say this a man? Hell No!

Why? I know that this is entertainment. Shonda didn’t write this show to empower me. She wrote it to entertain me at the end of the day. Empowerment comes from within not material things, media, or men![Tweet This!] I don’t expect Scandal to teach me how to be with a man.

But, should a man earn you? No, he shouldn’t earn you. But, he should put in work to get you (ie. time and effort). He should demonstrate a level of commitment and dedication to being in your life. If you pick wisely you will never need to ask a man to earn you because he will have already proven himself.

This is a lesson that girls and women must learn on their own through their mentors, families, life experiences, and educational programs.  

In short: Olivia Pope is a fictional character with real life characteristics and experiences. This is why so many people are drawn to her and this show. On the surface she is a confident woman, but deep down inside she is a woman who has fallen in love with a man at the wrong time.

Is she the first to do such a thing? Nope! Is she the first to be in love with the wrong man? Nope!

Do I think some women will think this is okay to do in real life? Yes!

Do I feel sorry for them? Yes

Why? Because if you think that is not just entertainment and you believe it is okay then you still have quiet a bit of work to do on yourself before you can claim: confident woman status or even say you have arrived!


I want to hear from you?

  • Does a man have to earn you?
  • Should we depend on TV shows to teach us how to be in the world?
  • Are you a Scandal fan, what are your thoughts?


  1. Well aside from the storyline which is really wierd that I’m routing for them because i feel like Fitz and Mellie are just a couple for the wrong reasons that are more political than love. Anyway I think when dealing with men, okay …so if they earn you then what? What happens when they get the “prize” which is you. Now with some men they will feel like they won and could get bored and move on, some men will know that this woman is worth treating right and being with for the long run. I think it all depends on the man.

    Also i agree with you here, i’m not ashamed to say I love the show, it’s entertainment and whether people realize it or not entertainment is meant to bring up questions like this, morality, and invoke emotions and reactions. The way i see it this is no different than a book that would be written about the same thing. Every Thursday i tweet out Leave your Morals at the door because some people get so bent out of shape over this show, but still watch it and still stress over Olivia and Fitz relationship.

    • I think it all depends on the woman. It is my belief that we choose the man, not they choose us. Who a woman is on the inside will attract the man she gets on the outside. I strongly believe that we attract who we are…well what would that say about Olivia then?
      The great part is that we have show with a Black woman in a lead role where we can have this type of conversation similar to a book. For those who have a problem with Fitz and Liv…then they just shouldn’t watch it. There are plenty of other shows that I’m sure could occupy their time, but I argue they wouldn’t be as good (lol..I’m just saying!).

  2. I love Scandal! It’s the best show on TV. However, my feet are firmly planted in reality. Like you, I understand that this is entertainment nothing more nothing less. I think Olivia and Fitz make a great couple but in reality “how you get him is how you lose him”. Men rarely leave there wives for the mistress. Does a man have to earn me? Yes! I think any self respecting woman would require a man to earn her respect, earn her trust, and earn her love and vice versa. TV is the last thing anyone should look to teach how to be in the world; unless your watching self help programming.

    • Shawana I agree with “how you get them is how you lose them.” I agree with all the “earns” you through in their girl.
      Some TV does have valuable programming, but these it is very rare. TV, however, can help spark conversations about womanhood and men that we don’t always address.

  3. I too watch Scandal. I’ve come to think that I enjoy the tweeter commentary more than the actually show, but that’s not to take a jab at the show, it’s to applaud the many hilarious and insightful Tweeters. As soon as Ms. Pope shouted, “earn me!” I immediately thought “earn me” was an odd choice of words. I tweeted, “you can earn my time, but you cannot ‘earn me'” So do I feel a man needs to put in work and show and prove absolutely. The results of his efforts will be my time, effort, and maybe love. He will hopefully be a part of my life and I his, but by no means will he have earned ME. I feel like ME is for me only. I dunno…

    • Earn was an odd choice in words, and I believe as women we are in control of who and what we love. We decide how much of ourselves we are willing to give. It’s not a matter of earning, it is more a matter of demonstrating that a man is worthy of your time.

  4. I was actually told by a man (way earlier than this episode) last year that you should not give your heart away, a man should have to earn it. So, I have said this to the same man who has recently returned to my life-we aren’t going to pick up where we left off, if you want me you’re going to have to prove yourself. I don’t find anything wrong with knowing you have worth and that a man should be willing to step up if he wants to be a part of your end game.