Introverts ReDefined: How to Take Your Quiet Confidence to the Next Level

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After writing a post in which I had an incident that resulted in being called “uppity” I reflected on what might lead one to say such a thing. One thing I reasoned was that my “introverted-ness” plays a huge role in how I carry myself and interact with people, places, and things in the world.

Over the years I have grown to understand, accept, and appreciate the  “introvert” in me, but I can’t help but admit that society positions introverts as less than more times than not.

This also annoys the heck out of me, especially since all of us have some level of introvert-ness in us. Some just have it at higher levels.  

Recently, Susan Cain released a new book on the power of introverts that has quickly become a best seller, where she argues that the world is set up for extroverts and that introverts should be valued more. Not only that but she urges all of us to recognize that this quiet confidence is not inferior, negative, or an excuse for why you can’t be who you were destined to be.

Many great leaders were introverts such as Rosa Parks who was quite the quiet riot if you ask me. We all know how she changed the world! You are no different, and for this very reason it is time you took yourself to the next level in your life.

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There is power in being an introvert! We get loud too. Honestly, I believe introverts are some of the most understated and undermining individuals to have ever graced this earth.

Yes, I will admit there are times when I have to talk my introverted behind into doing things that are outside of my comfort zone. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn’t. But, the fact of the matter is that I try. I know I am an introvert living in an extrovert world, as a result I know that there are ways of being in the world that I must learn in order to thrive.

If you want to thrive in the world, you have to do what have got to do. Let’s face it, there are certain “extrovert” traits you will just have to master if you want to live a life you dream of.

There is a way to rock your quiet confidence to the fullest while staying true to the introvert in you and the extrovert world we live in. It is okay to start a quiet revolution in your own life. The world does deserve to know how fabulous you are after all.

 

Let the whole world benefit from your incredible radiance,” Duke Ellington

 

 Here are a few lessons I’ve learned that have helped me evolve and thrive in all of my introverted-ness glory:

  • Accept and be at peace with who you are [ embrace that inner introvert girl! We only get one life to live. Whether you live it quietly or loudly…do your thing!]
  • Surround yourself and build relationships with extroverts [ They will help you slowly but surely learn to take the edge of your inner persona and share it more with the world]
  • Find your purpose and then use the time you enjoy being alone to perfect your craft, grow your skills, and develop your talent—then use this as a springboard to create a side hustle or multiple streams of income or even to be your career [this is how I built Regal Realness]
  • Practice being “extroverted” before you attend events and meet people to prepare yourself. The best way to do this to visualize your interactions ahead of time 
  • See the value in the skills that you possess. Recognize that not everyone can quiet their mind like you can and reflect deeply and this is just one of many amazing characteristics introverts possess. You truly have been giving a gift.
  • To meet new people, find people who have the same interests and passions as you and then build relationships from there.
  • In relationships, whether you date or marry an introvert or extrovert, both are difficult. Decide which one you can deal with and discuss your similarities/differences with your partner openly and honestly.
  • Recognize that introversion is another facet of your identity just like being a woman or being an African American, etc. Introverts have their own culture and it is judged and praised respectively like any other group.  
  • Be Heard! Figure out a system that works for you to let your presence be known in different settings. No one can do this for you. Remember some of the greatest leaders and innovators in the world are introverts.
  • Don’t take it personal when you are judged. For example, as a woman of color you may be called “uppity,” “think you’re better”, “weird,”  “acting white,” “no fun,” “too deep,” “distant,” “angry,” “bitch,” “nerd” etc. 
  • Own your “introvert-ness” and never let anyone let you think it is negative because extroverts also struggle with the qualities they are giving at some point although they might be favored more by society. Recognize the power your quiet confidence has and work it!

Regal Resource:

 

I Want to Hear From You:

  • What is the biggest challenge you face as an introvert?
  • Have you ever let your introvert qualities hold you back?
  • Can you relate in any way? Share your experiences
  • What advice would you give to fellow introverts about thriving in an extroverted world?
  • Do you think introverted African Americans have a harder time?

Taria is the founder of Regal Realness. She is a writer, teacher, lifestyle blogger, and women’s empowerment expert. Taria’s mission is to help women of color build & radiate confidence, discover their greatness, and come into their own.

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Comments

  1. Great post, Taria – it’s so great to hear someone blogging about the awesome aspects of being introverted (I was starting to think I was the lone voice in the wilderness – at least in the blogosphere!)

    I’m not a woman of colour, but I *am* deeply introverted (I ended up on your site because I have a Google alert set up for the word “introvert” :-) ), so I found myself nodding away to pretty much every point in your lessons above.

    I think my biggest challenge as an introvert is explaining to people that, no, being introverted doesn’t mean I’m shy. And nor does it mean I don’t like people. It just means I need to take “me time” to recharge after I’ve been around other people too long.

    You’d think it’d be more commonly understood by now, but alas, I think the message is still very much getting through.

    Blessings

    TANJA
    Tanja @ Crystal Clarity recently posted…Resource Review: “Introvert’s Stress-Free Guide to Promoting Yourself Online” training callMy Profile

    • Tanja, I am so glad you have that alert set up and found this post. I also use alerts, as well. Honestly, I wish by now introverts would be more understood and luckily they are but it could be better. As long we continue to educate both introverts and extroverts about what “introvert-ness” is all about. You are not alone though Tanja. Wishing you continued success.

  2. Great post Taria! Girl this is me all the way! I’m an introvert and I often find myself playing the role of an extrovert because my job and passion require me to. Who would have ever thought that my introverted behind would want to be a motivational speaker… oxymoron right?

    Unfortunately, I do let my “introvertedness” hold me back but I’m working on this now. I have this new thing that I do where I literally throw myself outside of my comfort zone and force myself to grow. It’s been working pretty well so far :)
    Terri Lomax recently posted…Self-Esteem Booster of the Week: Make Time for YourselfMy Profile

    • Thanks girl! I am happy to know you can relate and my crazy self also wants to do motivational speaking. But, it can be done! We will do it and do it well Terri. At times “introvertedness” does try to kick in and I’m like “not today boo” I am on a mission and I have things to do. This helps me grow out of my comfort zone as well.

  3. Petra Palmer says:

    Love this post! I often find myself explaining to people that I’ll speak when I have something to say and that I don’t always need to be the loudest in the room lol. You said it best, people often over look the introverts. But don’t be fooled – introverts are deep thinkers and our minds are always racing from one idea to the next and though we might not always be the most vocal in the room, we have a lot to say and a lot to offer.