Up until very recently, I felt like I was losing the battle for becoming a confident, black woman. Most of my life, I felt unloved. At every stage of life, I felt ignored, misunderstood, and alone.
My father has spent most of his younger years with a frequent visitor pass to our local penitentiary. My mother worked two jobs to put my sister and I through the best private schools our area has to offer. But I grew up with everything I ever needed and wanted. Needless to say, she couldn’t understand why I was having so many issues at school.
In middle school, I was severely bullied. I was told I resembled the likes of Andre 3000 from OutKast and that I had a big nose “like Jay-Z.” I was the frequent outcast of all the girl cliques, until I dumbed myself down into allowing myself to be verbally abused in order to hang out with the popular crew.
“We only hang out with you because Sr. Donna told us to.” That was their gift to me on my 13th birthday.
These same girls and I attended the same high school and unfortunately, the bullying continued. My heart hardened as I built an emotional wall to protect myself from the girls who I willingly subjected myself to everyday. I wound up spending my lunch periods in the library for relief.
It was in high school that I saw my first therapist. I was suffering from depression, suicidal thoughts, low self-esteem, no sense of my self-worth, and dating a guy who has emotionally abusive. I was a wreck.
What I wish someone had told me then, and what I am still learning now, is how valuable I am. I wish someone had told me how precious I am in the sight of God without having to perform, strive for perfection, or even make a single achievement in life.
The Bible says that Jesus is the King of kings and that with Jesus as our Lord and Savior, we can be counted as Jesus’ brothers and sisters for eternity. That means before you were born, before God created the heavens and the earth, before you had a chance to make a name and reputation for yourself, He deemed you as royalty. No gimmicks, no horse-and-pony show, just simply out of love.
1 John 4:15-19 (MSG): Everyone who confesses that Jesus is God’s Son participates continuously in an intimate relationship with God. We know it so well, we’ve embraced it heart and soul, this love that comes from God. God is love. When we take up permanent residence in a life of love, we live in God and God lives in us. This way, love has the run of the house, becomes at home and mature in us, so that we’re free of worry on Judgment Day—our standing in the world is identical with Christ’s. There is no room in love for fear. Well-formed love banishes fear. Since fear is crippling, a fearful life—fear of death, fear of judgment—is one not yet fully formed in love. We, though, are going to love—love and be loved. First we were loved, now we love. He loved us first. (Emphasis added)
God loved us before we even knew who He was. When we finally understand God’s nature and His love towards us, we can love ourselves as the Queens we are. We were created in God’s image and likeness to have dominion over the physical and spiritual elements of this world. But it is only with the love of God that we can love Him back and then, truly love ourselves.
Despite our mistakes, downfalls, failures, careers, baby mama drama, poor choice in boyfriends…we can appreciate who we are because we appreciate our Maker.
Discovering this truth changed my whole view of life. I no longer had to beg for friends or settle for relationships below my standards. My standards were celebrated and encouraged. I was celebrated and encouraged.
I didn’t have to beat myself up for not being good enough, pretty enough, ballin’ enough, or confident enough. I can wear thrift store shoes or Louboutins and royalty is STILL my nature. I am a Queen, inside and out. And so are you, sister.
No one can take that from us. Our light and beauty shines from within. It is the light and love of God that cannot be quenched, no matter what life, people, and circumstances do to us.
So pick up your head, Queen. Your crown needs to be adjusted.
Regal Resource: The Genesis: Why I’m Looking for My Royalty
I Want To Hear From You:
- Do you struggle to understand your value and worth?
- Were you bullied as a child?
- If you could empower your younger self, what would you tell her?
- How do you use the power of love to empower yourself and the Queens around you?