During some downtime before work today I decided to pick up where I left off in former Essence Relationship Editor, blogger, and life coach Demetria Lucas’s juicy, must read book, A Belle in Brooklyn’s: The Go-to Girl for Advice on Loving Your Best Single Life. No I’m not single. But, I am always up for a good read. I’ve eyed this book for over a year now, and finally dove into it.
As I read the chapter appropriately titled, “A/B Conversation” I was hooked and forgot everything else that needed to get done on my to-do list. As the chapter came to a close, Demetria discusses a conversation she had one night in a club with a man who called himself giving her the 411 on the 2 kinds of men that women should focus on. A and B. Everything from C-Z shouldn’t be considered. I was intrigued. As women we are fascinated with the idea of combining A (the dependable good guy we would marry) and B (the rough around the edges, toe curling, adventurous bad boy).
I know I’ve pondered it several times…like “what if there was someone who was A and B….but I never seem to find it any damn where! I figured it is at least possible somewhere in this world. I just haven’t seen it. Have you?
After reading, I realized that my last man was a B and my current one was an A, and Lord knows my behind did try to get A to be more like B, and B to be more like A at some point in the relationships, but it didn’t work. Demetria notes it didn’t work for her either. With my eyes glued to the page I continue to read as Demetria breaks down the two types more in depth:
Modeled off Sex and the City (if you’re a fan you will get this right away):
A (Aidan)- “An A is the nice man your parents would like to see you dating or married to. He is reliable, rational, dependable, honest, humble, considerate, and goal oriented. He courts you. You know how he feels about you; you don’t question his motives. He is consistent. You don’t worry about him lying to cheating. He does what he says he will do…”(Lucas 69)
B (Big) “There’s just something about him a B. You can’t ever put your finger on why. He doesn’t do half of what does, but you will do twice as much for him. He’s not really reliable. He’s definitely inconsistent and usually not entirely honest. He might not be conventionally attractive, but he’s hypnotized you into believing he is the finest man you will ever encounter. He is, however, drama. Around B, life gets more interesting. Your emotions run the full gamut….” (Lucas 69-70)
She continues on in more depth and the guy she is talking with in the club warns that you will never ever find an AB combination like most of us want in a man. The man states, “Men don’t come in packages that are dependable, drama-free, gentlemanlike, sensitive, but also aggressive, swagged out, and passionate, driving your emotions, and body haywire.”
My answer was right there on the page but I wasn’t sure if I agreed with this man. I know I had never experienced it but I assume maybe some other women have. It seemed true but not true or maybe I didn’t want to accept it as truth. Honestly, I don’t know. Maybe C is that good ol’ combo of a man who is a good guy with swag. But maybe a man does have both, but can have more A or B in him depending on who he is…now you see why I was getting confused. Could it really be that simple, that there only A and B men in the world?
I boiled it down to this, it really is a matter of us as women deciding what we want at the time. No man is perfect. But, we owe it to ourselves to have the best man we can and remember that you will never like or love everything about any man whether he is A, B, or C (if that even exists!).
Regal Resource: Great Summer Read!
I Want to Hear From You:
- Have you dated both A’s and B’?
- What would you consider C-Z’s to be? Do they matter?
- Would you agree with the fact that they can’t exist in one man?
- Share your experience with A or B.