The Top 4 Mistakes Women Make in Relationships

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I love you ladies, I really do but many of us make some very critical mistakes which eventually dictate the direction our relationship will end up going. My mother made mistakes, my girlfriends make mistakes – I’ve made mistakes and they have cost me. Clearly, when you are ready for a relationship you want to make sure you are choosing the right person for you – someone who brings out the best in you is good to you and for you, someone who is ready to be in a committed, monogamous partnership.

We (women) must stop and really pay attention to self and to the men we are allowing to be in our presence – occupy our time, mind, body and soul. Some of you may agree with me others may think I am off base in either case I want to give you some very common blunders made by many of us (including myself), are you ready? Here we go:

                       

1. Loosing yourself to gain his love – So many women put aside their dreams, goals and aspirations to please the man they are dating or married too. You support him, encourage him and help him while giving up the people and things that make you happy. Why? Why do we give so much of ourselves but require them to give little or nothing in return? Women please stop; stop giving away so much of yourself to a man and a relationship. The outcome is the same, you eventually begin to resent him and the union – you feel lost, unfulfilled and empty. You may want to blame him but this is your fault. You gave up being you, the real you to make him happy. A man who truly loves you will be just as supportive to you as you are to him. He will give equally to you and the relationship – he should love you the way you are and never ask you to change to make him happy and you should never want to change; compromise, YES but change, NO! The moment you begin giving up pieces of yourself for the relationship is the moment you’ve said hello to unhappiness.

 

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2. Giving too much too soon – Women are emotional creatures no matter how hard we try to fight and deny it – this is just who we are and how we were made up. When we start having feelings for someone, why do we feel compelled to tell every aspect of our lives and every emotion we feel about that person to that person? Do we realize we have just given someone we are trying to get to know ammunition to become manipulative with our feelings? If you sit back and really think, did he earn the privilege to even know the information you’ve just provided to him? We don’t make men work to get to know us; we give them the blueprints to our hearts and then wonder why we get hurt in the long run. We didn’t make them earn respect, earn trust, earn the honor of being in our lives – we willing give them all the keys to every locked door in our world. Don’t be so quick to tell someone everything about you, don’t give up all your emotions (keep your feelings in check)! In the beginning, we see all the nice and wonderful things about someone because this is what they want us to see. Give it some time, because the mask is eventually removed and the person you see 7 or 8 months down the line may be very different than the person you saw 3 or 4 months ago and you may find he is not worthy of you at all.

 

3. You Knew the Devil In the Details – If you met him and he was a player, what makes you think you are about to change him? If you met him and he was doing drugs and drinking who are you to think you can make him stop. We get into relationships thinking we are going to reconstruct this man into someone new, the man we see he can be underneath – we are going to pull out his “full potential” to be a great mate. WRONG! You cannot make anyone change into the type of man you want as a partner and the minute you entered into the relationship, you left the impression everything about him was acceptable. His cheating, lying, laziness, etc. You knew the devil in the details, you accepted it. You didn’t have to but you made the CHOICE!

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4. You Ignored the Warning Signs – I know we have all heard about “women’s intuition,” – that little something in your gut or the voice in your head telling you something isn’t right about this person. Why do we always deny that feeling? Why do we ignore that voice? Ladies, we were given intuition to help us make better decisions, it tells us things we need to know to avoid or accept certain people, places and things in our lives. Yet, we often fail to listen and end up in very precarious situations. If you are compelled by your feelings, you hear the inner voice sending you messages about your man’s behavior or something he has said to you (and you are of sound mind) please, please, please listen there may just be something to it. I am not saying be irrational or go crazy or start throwing accusations or threats – I am saying talk about the situation and get some understanding, a logical and rational answer – quiet the bells and whistles and allow him to do the talking. Don’t’ guide him toward an answer or help him respond to you by giving him reasons to manipulate his response around. Give him room to speak, people will tell you everything you want and need to know if you just listen.

I hope you gained something from this, I pray you find one of these tools useful in your life. If I had known this information some years ago, I am sure I would not have made so many mistakes in past relationships. Take your time, look at your past and the mistakes you made and the lessons you learned from them to help you make better decisions, better choices in your relationships. You have a voice, you have power, and the ability to have a healthy relationship but it all starts with you!

Regal Resource: Falling In Love With Potential is a Mistake by Paul C. Brunson

I Want to Hear From You:

  • Have you ever made this mistakes before? Share your experience.
  • Why do you think some women continue to make these mistakes over and over?
  • What advice would you give to a woman in any of these situations.

Nicole Baptist also affectionately known as Ms. Nix – The owner and operator of msnixinthemix.com is here to give relationship advice, especially to women, to help all make better decisions about personal life choices. Ms. Nix and the Mix Team also provides lifestyle information, celebrity news and fashion ideas to their readers. She also contributes as a columnist for Luv & Relationships.

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Comments

  1. Uh Honey, I’m really going to need you to stop reading my journals! Because I’m pretty sure you have to be since those first two points are me all the way! Took me a long time to stop the first one and its still and occassional struggle. The secone one, I have to admit still happens on a regular basis! :)

  2. This is so on point! I think many women are act out of fear. We’ve been told that we’re too emotional, that we’re too confusing to figure out, or that we jump to untrue conclusions from our emotions. We can’t be afraid to be the women we were created to be! But thanks for letting the truth be known.

    xo

    • Thank you Janicia. We cannot be afraid to be who we are and not to settle for less than what we deserve. Yes, we are emotional this is where are instinctive nuturing nature comes from; however, we don’t have to allow our emotions to over rule our logic and reason hince women’s intuition. Intuition is the balance for our emotional selves, we just have to tune in and listen to it.
      Ms. Nix recently posted…DMX Back In the SlammerMy Profile

  3. WOW!! You hit the nail on the head with this post! You brought up some great points especially about “You knew the devil in the details!” Girl, why do we turn our heads and ignore what is RIGHT in our faces, thinking that they will be different with us?
    Loved this post!!
    Ty Knighten recently posted…Reflections of 40 – The Realist Blog Post That I Will EVER WriteMy Profile

    • We (women) always seem to think we can fix a broken person or change someone to fit what we want them to be. If we stop trying to change and fix and really just listen to what a man is saying – his words will give you some insight and his actions will let you know the deal. We are quick to ignore and not deal with the fact, people are who they are!
      Ms. Nix recently posted…DMX Back In the SlammerMy Profile

  4. Erica:
    We must have twin spirits because this is all about my life and I too struggle sometimes but I am a work in progress and there is a lot I don’t do now that I use to do. Keep working on yourself and stand in confidence in who you are and what you are worth. I promise No. 2 will become a non-factor soon enough!
    Ms. Nix recently posted…DMX Back In the SlammerMy Profile

  5. Wow, this is a great post and so on point. So many women give way too much too soon and end up regretting it. I still think the biggest mistake is some women are so thirsty that men can smell desperation on them a mile away. It is not a good look.
    Shawn recently posted…Comment on He called you a B*tch, but you still like his music by Shawn HillMy Profile

    • Thank you so much Shawn – this is a compliment coming from you! Yes, my sistas are out there, looking thirsty ready to give everything they have to a man only to receive little or nothing in return. We (woman) have to demand the respect we deserve but first we have to understand our own worth. The more you love yourself and your self-worth you will only allow those worthy of who you are in your life.
      Ms. Nix recently posted…DMX Back In the SlammerMy Profile

  6. Cheers for our “Man Coach” of 2013. Keep encouraging us sisters out here girl friend.

    • Adra:

      Thank you so much for the compliment. The first time I’ve heard “Man Coach” (smiles). I just give you what I’ve learned from my own personal experiences and those close to me. I am the first to admit I was a blank chick but I’ve learned and grown and I want to help other women not make the same mistakes or at least learn from the ones they’ve already made. Hince my tag line – You don’t have to be a blank chick all your life!

  7. So many would benefit from getting into bad relationships if they would just think about it and slow down.
    You are so on point with this piece.

  8. I can totally agree with 2 and 4. I’ve made some mistakes that have cost me as well. But the greatest thing about making bad choices is that you have the ability to learn from them.
    Candace recently posted…Men Reveal Themselves In Their ActionsMy Profile