I love you ladies, I really do but many of us make some very critical mistakes which eventually dictate the direction our relationship will end up going. My mother made mistakes, my girlfriends make mistakes – I’ve made mistakes and they have cost me. Clearly, when you are ready for a relationship you want to make sure you are choosing the right person for you – someone who brings out the best in you is good to you and for you, someone who is ready to be in a committed, monogamous partnership.
We (women) must stop and really pay attention to self and to the men we are allowing to be in our presence – occupy our time, mind, body and soul. Some of you may agree with me others may think I am off base in either case I want to give you some very common blunders made by many of us (including myself), are you ready? Here we go:
1. Loosing yourself to gain his love – So many women put aside their dreams, goals and aspirations to please the man they are dating or married too. You support him, encourage him and help him while giving up the people and things that make you happy. Why? Why do we give so much of ourselves but require them to give little or nothing in return? Women please stop; stop giving away so much of yourself to a man and a relationship. The outcome is the same, you eventually begin to resent him and the union – you feel lost, unfulfilled and empty. You may want to blame him but this is your fault. You gave up being you, the real you to make him happy. A man who truly loves you will be just as supportive to you as you are to him. He will give equally to you and the relationship – he should love you the way you are and never ask you to change to make him happy and you should never want to change; compromise, YES but change, NO! The moment you begin giving up pieces of yourself for the relationship is the moment you’ve said hello to unhappiness.
2. Giving too much too soon – Women are emotional creatures no matter how hard we try to fight and deny it – this is just who we are and how we were made up. When we start having feelings for someone, why do we feel compelled to tell every aspect of our lives and every emotion we feel about that person to that person? Do we realize we have just given someone we are trying to get to know ammunition to become manipulative with our feelings? If you sit back and really think, did he earn the privilege to even know the information you’ve just provided to him? We don’t make men work to get to know us; we give them the blueprints to our hearts and then wonder why we get hurt in the long run. We didn’t make them earn respect, earn trust, earn the honor of being in our lives – we willing give them all the keys to every locked door in our world. Don’t be so quick to tell someone everything about you, don’t give up all your emotions (keep your feelings in check)! In the beginning, we see all the nice and wonderful things about someone because this is what they want us to see. Give it some time, because the mask is eventually removed and the person you see 7 or 8 months down the line may be very different than the person you saw 3 or 4 months ago and you may find he is not worthy of you at all.
3. You Knew the Devil In the Details – If you met him and he was a player, what makes you think you are about to change him? If you met him and he was doing drugs and drinking who are you to think you can make him stop. We get into relationships thinking we are going to reconstruct this man into someone new, the man we see he can be underneath – we are going to pull out his “full potential” to be a great mate. WRONG! You cannot make anyone change into the type of man you want as a partner and the minute you entered into the relationship, you left the impression everything about him was acceptable. His cheating, lying, laziness, etc. You knew the devil in the details, you accepted it. You didn’t have to but you made the CHOICE!
4. You Ignored the Warning Signs – I know we have all heard about “women’s intuition,” – that little something in your gut or the voice in your head telling you something isn’t right about this person. Why do we always deny that feeling? Why do we ignore that voice? Ladies, we were given intuition to help us make better decisions, it tells us things we need to know to avoid or accept certain people, places and things in our lives. Yet, we often fail to listen and end up in very precarious situations. If you are compelled by your feelings, you hear the inner voice sending you messages about your man’s behavior or something he has said to you (and you are of sound mind) please, please, please listen there may just be something to it. I am not saying be irrational or go crazy or start throwing accusations or threats – I am saying talk about the situation and get some understanding, a logical and rational answer – quiet the bells and whistles and allow him to do the talking. Don’t’ guide him toward an answer or help him respond to you by giving him reasons to manipulate his response around. Give him room to speak, people will tell you everything you want and need to know if you just listen.
I hope you gained something from this, I pray you find one of these tools useful in your life. If I had known this information some years ago, I am sure I would not have made so many mistakes in past relationships. Take your time, look at your past and the mistakes you made and the lessons you learned from them to help you make better decisions, better choices in your relationships. You have a voice, you have power, and the ability to have a healthy relationship but it all starts with you!
Regal Resource: Falling In Love With Potential is a Mistake by Paul C. Brunson
I Want to Hear From You:
- Have you ever made this mistakes before? Share your experience.
- Why do you think some women continue to make these mistakes over and over?
- What advice would you give to a woman in any of these situations.