Too Many Bitches & Not Enough Queens: What Are Your Values Saying About You As A Woman?

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Last week, we talked about how to find your Queenship through the power of love. I really do believe in the Queen in every woman, waiting to be unleashed. But there’s a lot of girls out here claiming the title without actually walking in its essence.

Let me explain. Anyone can wear LeBron’s jersey. In fact, a lot of people ARE wearing his jersey and supporting him in his athletic career. But only one man has done the work necessary to be LeBron…and that is Mr. James himself. Anyone can claim to be a Queen but there’s few women who do the work and live the life to bring value to that standard.

I’ve taken notice lately of this movement towards black women calling themselves, and their fellow sisters, “Queens.” I totally support that movement, in lieu of the ugly names we’ve been called and the names we sometimes call each other.

I’m so tired of us demanding respect by letting our “friends” call us b-tches and hoes. I’m tired of us complaining about how men treat us when we’re often reluctant to draw the line of high standards until the respect we receive becomes too low for us to ignore. I’m tired of us fighting against the stereotypes of black & Latina women, but we’ll gladly get whole parties together to watch Real Housewives, Love & Hip-Hop and Bad Girls Club.

A house divided against itself cannot stand (Matthew 12:25, Mark 3:23-26). We can’t fight for solidarity and empowerment as black women but then go home and support the very stereotypes that prison us as bitter, angry, controlling, wild, gold digging, over-sexualized, loud Mami’s and Jezebels.

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I’ve heard the explanations as to why my fellow Queens watch, listen to and expose themselves to things that are contrary to the confidence and self-esteem we work so hard to keep. “Oh, it’s just entertainment! It’s a release for me to laugh after a long day. Just because I watch it doesn’t mean I support it or that it reflects me.”

Can I burst your bubble, honey Queen? It does. Bad company corrupts good character (1 Corinthians 15:33). And the bad company you keep isn’t just the folk you let hang around your house or the list of contacts in your phone. Some of us listen to music and watch TV more than we have normal human interaction.

So what are you allowing in your environment? Who are your role models? Who are you modeling your life after, sister? The saying goes that you are the summation of your 5 closest friends. Well, your character is also an accumulation of the environment to which you expose yourself and create.

Don’t get me wrong, if you love trash TV, do you boo. But don’t raise a fist to fight for our strength and dignity as women when you support artists who use women for sex because the beat is hot or you watch our sisters resort to violence for the world’s entertainment.

Don’t be a hypocrite, sister Queen. Let your values affect everything you do: your lifestyle, your entertainment choices, your clothing, your choice in men. EVE-RY-THING. The most confident and successful women are those who can line up their speech, actions, thoughts, emotions, and choices along the same line. [Click to tweet]

The line I choose is Christ Jesus. The line you choose may be different. But our lines of life should be bolder than our eyeliners and cat eyes. It should set a standard for what you will and will not tolerate in your life. It’s not always easy…but I’d rather strive for excellence without hypocrisy than to display a poppin’ public life when my private life is different.

I don’t want us to be Queens in the streets but come home to a mess of internal conflicts fitting for the handmaid. We’re better than that. We’re worth the effort to take care of ourselves, from the inside to the outside.

Regal ResourceRegal Girl Core Value Worksheet— Take some time to fill it out thoughtfully and completely. It’ll help you to feel more in control of who you are and the life you choose to live.

I Want to Hear From You:

  • Are you a part of the “Queen” movement (women referring to themselves and/or each other as Queens)?
  • How do you feel about the current trends in music, TV shows and other entertainment?
  • What are your core values? How do you express them in your life?