So often I receive emails from women and they are struggling and stuck! Something is holding them back from moving forward, however they think they are the only one struggling and that their problems just came out of the blue. However, very rarely is that the case. Our struggles are normally deeply rooted in issues we fail to address, and then in turn we try to mask it on the surface level but little do you know that never works. Unsolved struggles breed low self-esteem, low glow and radiance, and little to none authentic confidence. Fake confidence can easily be mistaken for a cute smile and a nice outfit. However, the struggle is real and will continue to be until you get clear and real about what is keeping you stuck where you are.
Take note of some of the reasons why you may still be struggling with and stuck where you are. (P.S. It is safe to note here that life was not meant to be difficult nor will it always be easy but it damn sure was meant to be GOOD!)…oh and this post may NOT be WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR but the truth does hurt and I refuse to lie to you! Consider it tough LOVE!
1. You depend on everyone else around you to make you happy and make your day
You look to everything outside of yourself to make you happy. You live your life vicariously through your friends, family, children, co-workers, etc instead of living a life that feels good to you. You enjoy basking in the ambiance of other’s success and happiness, and might even get angry sometime when you aren’t invited or informed about the happenings in another’s life. When in reality, you would benefit from looking inward and figuring out the root of your unhappiness or loneliness.
2. You think that the past defines who you are and you let it control your present
You think who you were yesterday, defines who you are today. You don’t think you can ever move on from that horrible past that you had or the few mistakes you have made. You fail to realize that they don’t make you who you are and if you keep letting those things get in the way, you will never EVER live a life you love.
3. You believe things should be handed to you for FREE (ie. win the lottery, randomly knock on your door, people go out of their way to contact you, etc)
You believe you should ‘win the lottery’ or people should automatically come to you to help you move forward. However, you stay stuck because you fail to recognize that in life nothing is just handed to you. You must work for everything it is that you want and fearlessly go after what you want.
4. You are still stuck on HIM and you refuse to move on
You think about him all the time…wondering what he is doing, who he is seeing, if he still loves you, whether or not ya’ll will ever get back together meanwhile he is living his life and doing his thing because he has moved on. You know who he is but what you don’t know is that he is no longer relevant and until you let him be and focus only on you and moving forward you will forever be stuck.
5. You put yourself last and never take out time for your own development or self-preservation
You are always constantly doing for everybody else around you…volunteering, working, planning, showing up, supporting, and donating your time and money. Which is all good in terms of being a good citizen and a helpful person, but does nothing for your self-worth and esteem when you are broke, tired, run-down, overwhelmed, and overbooked with everyone else’s happenings. It is fine to support but it is also important you recognize you need to give ample time to the development and self-preservation of your mind, body, and soul, too….it’s called BALANCE!
6. You pray and think all of your problems will be solved
‘Faith without work is dead’ yet you still pray and may even go to church every Sunday and think everything is going to magically change. But, you fail to understand that your higher power and even the universe still work off of the work, energy, and thoughts you put out into the world. Instead, you choose to think that if I pray about it, everything will be alright yet you still find yourself in the same place week after week.
7. You have unresolved issues from your childhood that you haven’t forgiven or let go of
Whatever happened to you as a child still takes a toll on you today. Whether it’s your daddy who made a less than graceful appearance in your life or your overbearing mama who made it hard for you to come into your own, you are still blaming your childhood and parents for why your life turned out the way it did. News Flash: You are an adult now. Nobody wants to hear your sob stories. You have failed to realize that everyone has some level of dysfunction in their family and blaming your parents will never get you anywhere. Accept them. Forgive them. Move on. Or forever be stuck.
8. You eat, smoke, or drink to mask your problems
You use food as comfort, smoking to ease your fears, and drinking to hide who you really are all in the name of feeling good for a small period of time. You rather cover up other issues in your life by turning to your vices that you feel will make the struggle seem less real. Truth is, it doesn’t really work that way because once you wake up and smell the coffee you realize that you only have two options, keep doing things to mask your problems (eating, smoking, drinking, cheating, running away, bullying, etc) or you have to address those problems and move on.
9. You think it is selfish, vain, cocky, or conceited to think highly of yourself
You believe that “self-love” and “self-care” is selfish and you shouldn’t be focusing on yourself as much because there are too many people depending on you for you to even think you have time for that and you believe it is conceited to think you are worthy, confident, and deserve nothing but the best out of life. By putting yourself on a “I love me” pedestal you believe you are putting others down and will make others feel bad because you have decided you are the ish! It’s one thing to be cocky, arrogant and think you are better than everyone else, but it is another to think you are the bomb.com, think you should be treated extremely well, think you should give yourself time to relax and take care of yourself, think it is okay to put your needs before others, think it is okay to be self-focused and focus on making your dream life come true and being ambitious enough to see it through even as a (wife, mother, daughter, sister, aunt, employee, etc)
The struggle is real. If you could relate to any of the following then it is safe to say that you may be interested making a CHANGE in your life! And if so then you might want to consider refocusing and redesigning the direction your life is headed in so you live a life you desire and deserve to live that is successful and fulfilling for you. The best resource for you is my home study course, Make Me Over: Refocus & Redesign Your Life. It can help you ESCAPE the STRUGGLE and EMPOWER you to embrace SUCCESS, PURPOSE, and HAPPINESS. You deserve it after all.
I Want to Know:
Do you struggle with any of these?
- Have you overcome any of these already? Which one? How?
- Why do you think we often get stuck and struggle on these items over and over again?